Nothing is more tragic than the horror of looking back on life with regret that we dared not be our full selves. 

How many people out there are living someone else’s life? Sleepwalking down the well-trodden path that others have laid out for them? 

More importantly, how can we truly know that we’re living OUR lives?

My best answer is to do the things that only we can do. 

This doesn’t mean that everyone has some grandiose, heroic destiny that will be recorded in the history books. If you have a unique talent by all means share it with the world. Such gifts carry a corresponding responsibility to use them for the greater good. To squander or hide our gifts feels like the height of ingratitude.

And it’s like that with everything, no matter how seemingly mundane or inconsequential. 

What am I supposed to do in a given situation? Whatever is there for which I am best suited. This could mean picking up a piece of trash you see on the ground, preparing your food, taking your dog for a walk. 

Wherever you are, be fully there, because that’s where you’re supposed to be (or else you’d be somewhere else). 

If this sounds circular, it is. And it’s still true, down to the most fundamental level of reality. 

We know from physics that there are no properties without relationships.

It’s impossible to even imagine saying that something is big or small, strong or weak, without reference to something else. The concept becomes meaningless in isolation.

We are systems of systems within systems. Turtles all the way down (and up). A fractal universe of which each individual consciousness is an integral part. 

The much-discussed observer effect illustrates that when we become part of a system we instantly and necessarily change it. There is no escaping the fact that in every moment we are affecting whatever pockets of reality we touch. 

Knowing this, we have no excuse to do so unconsciously. Since we inevitably influence the people and situations in our lives, we might as well do so consciously and with intention. 

This is why it’s so important to really know ourselves. Since we can’t live anyone else’s life, our purpose is actually to live our own. 

If we lack clarity on our values, how are we supposed to make the choices that are authentic for us? If we lack understanding (albeit imperfect) of our own nature and our true position in the world, our choices will be less effective. 

Truly, there is no substitute for the examined life.

Without going into the weeds of quantum mechanics or spirituality (there will be plenty of that in future posts), the truth is that in each moment everything that exists can only be as it is because everything else exists as it is in that moment.

Everything depends on everything else. 

Of course, in each new moment the configuration of reality changes—we do after all live in an evolving universe—so understanding the truth of all being the way it must be for Now to exist in no way detracts from the significance of our choices. It is simply to say that whichever present moment we are in could not be otherwise. 

We are inextricably bound up in the web of interconnection on every level, from quantum particles to food webs to families and civilizations. 

Independence is an illusion, albeit one that can be comforting. It’s a form of the illusion of control, which in its many guises is perhaps the greatest internal challenge for any human. 

Living in an uncertain and ever-changing universe with the knowledge of our own mortality is almost too much for the mind to bear. We crave certainty because tomorrow we could get flattened by a bus, or a divorce, or billion other things that shock us out of the quotidian delusion that life is something we can direct. 

The human condition is that of a swimmer in a vast ocean. Struggle as we might, the current will sweep us along in whatever direction it takes. Denying this reality is the source of much futile effort and needless suffering. 

This may sound bleak, but that’s a matter of perspective. Once we accept our true position, we can work with reality. By accepting what is, we can begin to orient ourselves more accurately. Learn the currents. Which ones are stronger, and at what times? Which direction do they flow? 

With practice we can use our limited energy and willpower to swim with the currents. There’s a surprisingly wide scope for moving to different places in the sea while being supported and guided in a general direction. 

We also find that the more we attune ourselves to this ocean of interconnected reality, the more peaceful and nourishing the waters become. Needless to say, there will always be the occasional crashing wave that beats us up against the rocks—loss and suffering are part of the deal. Still, some pockets are especially tumultuous, while others feel incredibly pleasant and supportive. 

Without eliding the staggering complexity of it all, there is one thing I’ve found to be a reliable North Star by which to guide our journey. 

That will be the subject of the next post.